Thatha R. I. P.

Everyone has a hero who he/she has to look upto. For me, it was my grandpa: thatha, my guardian angel. A tall, handsome fella who I always feared for his loud scuffles. He would engage in such only to defend his pride or protect his grandchildren from anyone who he deemed harmful. July 20th will be a dark day for me from now on. Fate caught me by the balls on this one. I may be exaggerating this but one of my most horrific nightmares just came true, and I was hardly prepared for it. That's life I guess but some (my brave cousins) say that's how it is sometimes.

I thought I was gearing up for one of those perfect vacations. After having been away from home for 4 years, I was hoping to make peace with my family for a few days. I just booked my flight tickets, had procured all the necessary documents for the shitty visa interview, and had just about gathered all the gifts for near and dear. In particular, I was excited about a retro razor that thatha had requested the last time I met him. It was going to be a surprise. But fate fuckin simply outplayed me. All I wanted was a quiet reunion, but I'll have none of that. I will be welcomed by a portrait of someone who I always respected. I so desperately wanted to see him in person, hear him shout away "badava rascal", and then guffaw at my PJs. I'll have none of that either. I hope that he was proud of me since I have no way of finding out now.

Sometimes you just get used to normality, assuming things will continue at the same easy pace they used to. But events like these remind you how fragile life really is. You realize how much you care for people who are really close to you. My initial reactions to such emotional quakes have always been regarding practical issues pertaining to adjustments to flight schedule, work deadlines, etc. Then when it hits you hard in the face, you realize that all that is irrelevant. Someone close to you is no longer alive, is unable to communicate in any form, unable to respond to anything you do, and is just dead. At that point, you realize that what you tried to simulate so many times in your head was just light years away from reality. Nothing can prepare you for it because we always procrastinate the thought of it.

There is now just a flood of memories in no particular order, each of which are equally important to me which I will take to my grave. Sometimes I want to believe that he's watching over me. I hope he can understand. Thatha, I love you so very much. I will regret not having been next to you when you passed away. I hope I can forgive myself someday. I will miss you every single day of my remaining life. I will try to cherish and remember all the good times we had....


our trips to the barber shop as a child, ...you always made sure that the seam was good even though I never understood why :)

i know you made it appear as if papa was your second favorite but you secretly adored her equally :)

i remember how you kept some of the cashews and raisins till the end so that you can spare some for me...i enjoyed every one of them and i hope i thanked you for it :)

our escapades from mom to abids taj...you knew so well what i liked :)...you spoilt me enough even though you never admitted it :)

even though i hated it, i always enjoyed the bald head for the first few days in tirupati (every single occassion) :)... the one week you, me, and mama spent on tirumala were absolutely kickass :)...thinadam, darshanam, padukovadam :D...what more can a lazy kid like me ask for :P

thanks for yelling at all the teachers and friends who bullied me :) (meeru kondapalli ninchi aithe..memu kondapuram vallam...noru jagratha)

i used to absolutely love it when you used to playfully scold me...badava rascal is my most favorite slangs of all time :)..also mondi badava is a close second...:)

even though i appreciate you giving me all the cricket balls that fell in our compound, in retrospect you should've given them back :)

i admired your passion for cricket...i longed for your cricket updates every week for the past few years...mostly i loved the shower of abuses you rained on the players :)...

i miss the malakpet house...after all that's where i spent my best years amidst mom, dad, papa, you, and mama..:)..

ganesh vimarjanam gurthundi...tank bund ninchi iddaram okasari intiki nadicham :)..i was so tired that day... i think you carried me a good part of that distance ... i was not a light kid by any means :)

i adored all the safari suits you so carefully picked out at raymonds...i knew you wanted me to look good :)...i realized that you were born in 1925..:D

panasa pandulu kosi ichinanduku thanks :)...

neeku vantalu baane vosthunde...:P...mullangi koora...carrot koora...see vankaayi...ivanni too much vanduthu vunde nuvvu...:)

i remember the time i got my kinetic safari...nannu enakala koorcho mani force chesavu...like a kid you were racing past in that moped :D

nuvvu ethethi pithadam worsht thatha...:D...i won't miss that :)..but i do miss the laughs that mom got from those..

mummy, pinni, and mama will miss you dearly...i know how much they respected you inspite of stuff they says sometimes...they truly cared for you every single day at some level or another..

thatha naaku telusu nuvvu manavadu goppalu andariki cheppukuntu unde ani....temple pujari ninchi pakkinti valla varaku garvam tho...
THATHA....REST IN PEACE...Here's to 86 proud and healthy years ..
I so bloody wish I could've seen you one more time ....at-least :(

Meaning of GG

I just realized that GG can have different connotations (namely 2):
Good Game -- to all the game freaks
Generation Gap -- to all middle aged game freaks :)

A climax with silver linings

Don't mean to sound like a gult script writer but this happens to be my first post in a time under stRess. 2009 started with a dream to graduate, worries about the economy, and no resolutions as usual. I walk this Saturday with work bearing down my neck and I haven't even had the time to ponder over what is next in store.

I have a vague recollection of my last holiday and the last haircut. If not for the unwatched seasons on top gear I wouldve surely had a stroke for the amount of stress I've been under for the past few...Constant cursing at anything that tries to advice or suggest seems to have become routine. December was a roller coaster with few signs of hope that seems to have rekindled some faith that I will see this through.

After inheriting a vehice in return for something that someone owed, I was careless enough to catch a cops attention for not having driving insurance, registration or inspection. This is how the month began. With driving tickets that exhausted the printer paper in the copcar, I kicked myself for bringing it on myself again. The pimples on my forehead multiplied as the days progressed. Hours got longer with stuff linked to the car coupled with some annoying scuffles at the DMV left me hopeless.

Research progressed slowly as my tolerance for annoyance reduced. In the exhausted state I am in right now I have to mention that something extraordinary happened. I felt lucky. For just that 1 hour on a chilly evening where the weather opened up just that little bit, when I was multitasking with such ease that I amazed myself, and then lady luck seemed to favor every little step that I took. In almost a symphony of decisions I managed to get so many things done in so little a time even in the most dreadful of situations that I wondered whether a break was necessary. But then I just came back down to earth, had a couple of beers and almost sank into a well deserved sleep.

ey dil hai mushkil...

It worries me when I don't strike a sympathetic chord after having watched and listened to something horrific. With the U.S. media dedicating almost half a day of the air time to the mumbai attacks, I found myself picking faults and then frustrating myself with the unempathetic commentary on TV. But somehow, by a matter of coincidence I made my way to the song "gurus of peace" on utube. This song has always had a special place in my heart. In those days of the tape recorder, me and my lil sis spent hours listening to all sorts of music and we tirelessly tried to mimic these the best way we could with our adolescent voices. We had no clue about politics of the time, we just wanted to have fun. In the light of these recent events, I wish things could've stayed the same, where things like nationality, regionalism, religion were insignificant. People just don't want to get along !

predictability

just wished to show only some of the snippets from google trends... christmas kicks other hols ass... try any other specific stuff like "26'' lcd'...results are similar

math save us all !!

i know what I did the last time I felt bored and/or completely useless. No, I did not blog. Instead I pondered on why I was getting bored inspite of having stuff to keep me busy. How very...boring!!! So I got myself an iPhone, after wasting 300 change on an iPod touch. I am too far beyond the point of regretting my "second" last purchases. I can't even give charity as the real reason ...not because of a desire of being earnest. Fuck that ! I have spent enough time pondering why/what I do when I do ... Now I just do ! Yeah !! Call it impulsive. What else would you call it? ....

Coming to the real point !!! After trying to educate myself about the the theory of evolution ...wait!! the fact called EVOLUTION for the past 2 years, after countless moments of realization when for the first time being wrong felt so RIGHT and rewarding, after a million racing heartbeats of excitement for having discovered what I did not understand before and how beautiful nature really is, I am now sort of overcome by an utmost sense of despair for not being able to find so many people that share this little enthu of mine. First it was the lack of resources and overwhelming sense of faith coupled with my egocentric nature that blinded me to so many of these amazing things that I was missing out. Even after spending a couple of weeks on the subject when I did have accessibility and people who argued against my medieval philosophies, it took me a while to realize and be humbled about this wonderous little blue planet. It is the just the sort of thing that burns away ego and leaves you gasping for so much more. Every complex thing, even the tiniest of emotions built up step by step over billions of years ... it just makes you feel so insignifact. Although the overwhelming improbability of it assigns you a sense of responsibility to enjoy every bit of what this life gives you. What you do with that is a totally different matter :)..another version of the "ANTHROPIC PRINCIPLE".



But the despair that in-spite of so many exhilarating avenues, there is an even more compelling need for better teachers, those who can be qualitative and offer speculative insight into matters which would otherwise be "COMPLEX" to the layman. This is where I feel that math deals its hand. They should also be able to be quantitative where it deems necessary: first to simplify things, second: to shun theologians from picking and putting together crap from verbose. As an example, some weirdass thing such as the multi-verse theory in physics might knock your socks of. But if you consider the math of it , to physicists it is just an extra dimension viz. an extra variable in their equations, not to demerit the significance of being able to visualize these things and gauge their usefulness. But still ! Who the hell am I to offer any advice?

MCQ:How can we justify this life? a. Feel lucky for being here and spend the rest of what is left trying to find why are we here ? b. Just engage in something to avoid precisely this question ? d. Take a deep breath, join both the arms and get back in bed without the slightest sense of responsibility/humility/curiosity ? IDK !!

To end on something different:POLITICS. In this country being RIGHT has never been so wrong. Did you know Mc. Cain was by Palin's side handing out chits during the Couric interview? Go figure !!

the big bang began with smashing pumpkins !