Thatha R. I. P.

Everyone has a hero who he/she has to look upto. For me, it was my grandpa: thatha, my guardian angel. A tall, handsome fella who I always feared for his loud scuffles. He would engage in such only to defend his pride or protect his grandchildren from anyone who he deemed harmful. July 20th will be a dark day for me from now on. Fate caught me by the balls on this one. I may be exaggerating this but one of my most horrific nightmares just came true, and I was hardly prepared for it. That's life I guess but some (my brave cousins) say that's how it is sometimes.

I thought I was gearing up for one of those perfect vacations. After having been away from home for 4 years, I was hoping to make peace with my family for a few days. I just booked my flight tickets, had procured all the necessary documents for the shitty visa interview, and had just about gathered all the gifts for near and dear. In particular, I was excited about a retro razor that thatha had requested the last time I met him. It was going to be a surprise. But fate fuckin simply outplayed me. All I wanted was a quiet reunion, but I'll have none of that. I will be welcomed by a portrait of someone who I always respected. I so desperately wanted to see him in person, hear him shout away "badava rascal", and then guffaw at my PJs. I'll have none of that either. I hope that he was proud of me since I have no way of finding out now.

Sometimes you just get used to normality, assuming things will continue at the same easy pace they used to. But events like these remind you how fragile life really is. You realize how much you care for people who are really close to you. My initial reactions to such emotional quakes have always been regarding practical issues pertaining to adjustments to flight schedule, work deadlines, etc. Then when it hits you hard in the face, you realize that all that is irrelevant. Someone close to you is no longer alive, is unable to communicate in any form, unable to respond to anything you do, and is just dead. At that point, you realize that what you tried to simulate so many times in your head was just light years away from reality. Nothing can prepare you for it because we always procrastinate the thought of it.

There is now just a flood of memories in no particular order, each of which are equally important to me which I will take to my grave. Sometimes I want to believe that he's watching over me. I hope he can understand. Thatha, I love you so very much. I will regret not having been next to you when you passed away. I hope I can forgive myself someday. I will miss you every single day of my remaining life. I will try to cherish and remember all the good times we had....


our trips to the barber shop as a child, ...you always made sure that the seam was good even though I never understood why :)

i know you made it appear as if papa was your second favorite but you secretly adored her equally :)

i remember how you kept some of the cashews and raisins till the end so that you can spare some for me...i enjoyed every one of them and i hope i thanked you for it :)

our escapades from mom to abids taj...you knew so well what i liked :)...you spoilt me enough even though you never admitted it :)

even though i hated it, i always enjoyed the bald head for the first few days in tirupati (every single occassion) :)... the one week you, me, and mama spent on tirumala were absolutely kickass :)...thinadam, darshanam, padukovadam :D...what more can a lazy kid like me ask for :P

thanks for yelling at all the teachers and friends who bullied me :) (meeru kondapalli ninchi aithe..memu kondapuram vallam...noru jagratha)

i used to absolutely love it when you used to playfully scold me...badava rascal is my most favorite slangs of all time :)..also mondi badava is a close second...:)

even though i appreciate you giving me all the cricket balls that fell in our compound, in retrospect you should've given them back :)

i admired your passion for cricket...i longed for your cricket updates every week for the past few years...mostly i loved the shower of abuses you rained on the players :)...

i miss the malakpet house...after all that's where i spent my best years amidst mom, dad, papa, you, and mama..:)..

ganesh vimarjanam gurthundi...tank bund ninchi iddaram okasari intiki nadicham :)..i was so tired that day... i think you carried me a good part of that distance ... i was not a light kid by any means :)

i adored all the safari suits you so carefully picked out at raymonds...i knew you wanted me to look good :)...i realized that you were born in 1925..:D

panasa pandulu kosi ichinanduku thanks :)...

neeku vantalu baane vosthunde...:P...mullangi koora...carrot koora...see vankaayi...ivanni too much vanduthu vunde nuvvu...:)

i remember the time i got my kinetic safari...nannu enakala koorcho mani force chesavu...like a kid you were racing past in that moped :D

nuvvu ethethi pithadam worsht thatha...:D...i won't miss that :)..but i do miss the laughs that mom got from those..

mummy, pinni, and mama will miss you dearly...i know how much they respected you inspite of stuff they says sometimes...they truly cared for you every single day at some level or another..

thatha naaku telusu nuvvu manavadu goppalu andariki cheppukuntu unde ani....temple pujari ninchi pakkinti valla varaku garvam tho...
THATHA....REST IN PEACE...Here's to 86 proud and healthy years ..
I so bloody wish I could've seen you one more time ....at-least :(